Aim fo' the Head

In the office all day 'til five o'clock rolled near
Went home to a hot plate, television, and a beer
Drank up my first three, startin' number four
'Til I hear the knock of zombies at my door.

Was like, "shit, man, it's the un-fuckin' dead"
I just watched Colbert and was headin' off to bed
Now I gotta get preppin' and grab all my lead
Kick back the shotgun and aim straight for the head.

Killin' zombies ain't easy, but this life is hard
One week they in the basement, next the backyard.
Don't matter if it's day, night, dusk, or dawn,
I'm spray corpses' guts all over my lawn.

Evil dead, that's right; ain't none of them good
Bite the family down the block and there goes the neighborhood.
They get five feet up then I put 'em six feet under
Lightening in they eyes 'til they hear my thunder
Keep askin' for brains just to feed they're hunger,
"What're they doin' in America?" is what I wonder.

Lost my house last week, moved in to the shoppin' center.
Seein' Santa zombies and it's only the end of September.
But Christmas comes early this year I remember
Sendin' chainsaws through their chimneys all the way through December.

Then, like, twenty-eight weeks later
I'm waitin' at the elevator
Open the doors and this dude wants to eat my like a tater,
Click back my pump action 'bout to serve him like a waiter,
But the chamber was empty so I beat him up like a hater.

Recalled from karate the star-of-death-kiss
Used them to dance a number his dead body carcass
For a wicked attack that made his skull crack,
Saw him fall on his back and his eyes fade to black.

Think that shit's hot? Nah, it's we just gettin' colder
As I watched the zombie's arm separate from the shoulder.
Starts grabbin' at my hair like it wanna give me trim,
I'm gettin' my ass kicked by only one limb.
Finally got the upper hand so I started to chuckle,
Put it on the ground and smashed all of it's knuckles,
My day was now ruined and I didn't wanna linger
And as I walked away the hand gave me the finger.

No brains, but I keep thinkin' that they'll learn
After I drop they stock faster than Bear Stearns.
And single zombie exec who came from A.I.G.
Is now R.I.P. and it's thanks to me.

Years have passed and none of them ever really harm me
'Cept the ones last week who looked like the G.O.P. Party,
Tried to run for my life but my face hit the deck
Drafted by the dark army after I was bit in the neck.

I'm one of them now and I don't have a choice
Walk with a limp and I've lost my voice.
We all look the same, but I know it ain't equal.
Please blow my head off, I ain't ready for a sequel.