Say, Here Are 25 Things. How Random!

1. Every book I get from the library I never return. No one has ever noticed.

2. In junior high I got braces put on my teeth strictly to fit in with the rest of my friends at the time. They were always a cosmetic addition, not a necessity.

3. Once ate 22 sticks of string cheese in one day to get a shirt with a string cheese superhero on it.

4. I didn’t vote for President Obama; I simply jumped on the train of popularity to hide the fact that I’m a Green Party member

5. Every other a month I get published by Post Secret in an ongoing series to reach one specific person with a message. That person has yet to notice.

6. Spent a night in the San Diego County jail after punching a drunk co-worker in a fight. All charges were dropped.

7. Occasionally I pretend to lose something to gain attention to my problems. Other times I hide other people’s personal items to watch them cause a scene.

8. Don’t like rap or hip-hop, but I don’t know how to connect to black or Latino culture any other way.

9. Had an affair with an engaged woman in Israel. She still writes me letters to this day.

10. The concave shape in my chest could have been fixed before I turned 18, but I decided to keep it. Every doctor I’ve consulted with has said that it will reduce my life expectancy by at least 10 years.

11. Mr. Gregory Nobel: I’m sorry, but I’m the one who knocked down the fence that one night. I turned too late.

12. I have been in three Disney movies shot in Salt Lake City and was first offered a part as the main character in “Almost Famous”, but turned it down to focus on school.

13. The one and only man I ever kissed was named Tomas Ubrecht and it was on a lay over in Riga, Lativa.

14. The movie “Idle Hands” is based on an idea my best friend and I came up with when we were 11 years old. His brother took the idea and wrote a script for the movie. Since then I’ve wanted to write a better screenplay to get my revenge.

15. Since losing my job I’ve reduced my diet to a can of tuna, some baby carrots, and three Pabst Blue Ribbons a day.

16. Before entering into my current relationship, I placed three personal ads on Craigslist. The same person answered it each and every time.

17. For two years in New York City I was a drug-runner known as “El Gordo” because I could always carry my weight around with me and there was a lot of it.

18. Never have paid taxes. Don’t ever plan on doing so.

19. Two summers ago I walked from Battery Park to Yonkers in a day.

20. Freaks me out to have the colors green, brown, and white all together in one space. That’s why I hate it snow on Evergreen trees.

21. Was a member of AEPhi in college, but had to keep it a secret because otherwise I would not have been able to take the job of RA in my building.

22. Nights when I get lonely I run the bath tub water all night long to fall asleep. I hate to waste that much water, but it is the only thing that puts me to bed.

23. Smoke a pack of American Spirits a day and constantly feel like I’m going to be caught in the act, which stresses me out because I spend so much time covering up the fact that I smoke at all.

24. My bar mitzvah was drastically reduced in terms of the amount of work I had to complete due to one specific reason: Hebrew kicks my dyslexia in and I get very confused.

25. Nine toes.