TV Math +/-

Things are brewing right now, but I don’t want to jump the gun on anything at the moment. When I have answers this blog will have a more day-in-life entry. For now, I’m a bum and you are too if you are reading this so pass the Cheetos and fluff the pillow on your favorite collapsing Ikea bed because it’s time for television math (quick disclaimer: there will be no actual math used, so don’t freak out there Mr. Pibb).

January is the new September in the television world. During the Golden Age of Television, which I’m told turned a rusted shade of bronze at the end of last year, television got smart and instead of rushing production on some shows during the May to September break, they took more time to develop the series seasons and then premiere them in January without taking a week off. These reviews will cover new shows, returning show premieres, and shows picking up from holiday hiatus.

(+) to Friday Night Lights (Season 3 Premiere) and Big Love (Season 3 Premiere): my god, I could barely contain my excitement when the opening for both of these shows started playing back to me on my television screen. FNL started some great story lines, continued with the fantastic characterizations of people who are more than the football games they revolve around, and still has a great sense of low-key humor. Right now, it’s top of my list. Then you have the show that keeps getting better and better with each episode. Last night’s Big Love premiere was so dark, riveting, and fascinating that it gave Sara a panic attack twenty minutes into the episode. Glad to see that the potential 4th wife is still in the mix, as is the Weber Gaming story arch (kudos to my mentor and friend, Melanie Marnich, who’s on the writing staff this season). Final tally = Utah and Texas are the two best fictionalized places to be watching at the moment.

(-) to The United States of Tara (Series Premiere): as the opening credits were rolling, Steven Spielberg’s name surprised me and Diablo Cody’s did not. I had forgotten that she’d pinched a deal with ShowTime after winning her Oscar for best screenplay (OHMYBLOG!!!)…uh…back in March of 2008. Less than a year after Juno’s devil baby dropped into our theaters our homes are invaded with something almost worse. Toni Collette is a top-notch actress and I think John Corbett is long overdue for being a leading man…but not for this. Tara is a suburban mom dealing with the issues of her family and life…by snapping into multiple personalities. Okay, as amateur multiple personality disorder is I’ll go with it; what I won’t go with is that her entire family accepts it! They talk to the personalities, ranking them according to favorites, and going about their lives like it ain’t no big thing. Stop right there—no, no, no, no, no. Her husband (“I’ve been living with this condition for 17 years”) would have flown the coop a long time ago. The kids should not be this well adjusted and the well-groomed son character should not be the most interesting person in the series. And the worst part? Next week’s previews show the family talking about how it’s healthy for Tara to go off her medication so that she can let these characters out in order for them to let loose, hoping they can get it out of there system. Final tally: If I can refrain from ripping my eyeballs out I’m giving this two more episodes before calling it quits and never going back.

(/) to 24 (Season 7 Premiere), The Office (middle of Season 5), and Flight of the Conchords (Season 2 Premiere): I’m really rallying for these shows to get good again, not the dripping comb-over that we’ve seen recently. 24, I only put you on this list because I’m conflicted: last season sucked for the final 8 hours, but the movie 24: Redemption was so kick ass, and now I’m on the fence. So far so good—especially the third episode, 10:00 A.M. to 11:00 A.M.—just no more Audrey with amnesia, please. As for The Office…I haven’t lost faith that you are one of the smartest shows on television. Let’s see it now. I think most of the episode this week was eh-inducing until the end sequence between Andy and Dwight. Will I ever stop watching you, Dunder Mifflin employees? Probably not, but don’t make my viewing in vein (because honestly I’m going to start telling people 30 Rock is the funniest thing on right now and I’ll be speaking the truth!). Speaking of funny and truth…well, Flight of the Conchords didn’t really soar last night on their return. Some funny moments, a little too much story…if that’s possible, and no good songs except for the toothpaste jingle that didn’t last long. I guess that’s what really irked me—the songs that did get played weren’t that creative and one of them was playing over the credits. Plus, the music videos look professional now instead of homemade. But y’know what? I’ll take some blame for this. By now it is no secret that I love this show, but I was late to the party and didn’t discover the most beautiful girl in the room until it came out to DVD. So when nobody was watching was when it was golden, but as Sara pointed out, “the second they get popular they get money and where’s the funny?” I’ll make you a deal, Bret and Jermaine, I’ll keep watching your show when it’s supposed to air, no DVR or internet downloads, to keep ratings high if you go back to making sure I’m making a lasagna for one forever. Final tally = Don’t die on me now! I’ve stuck with you this far! I don’t know what I’d do without you…so don’t…go…towards…that…white…light…DAMNIT!